Slayers! Soap Opera
by Hacked It Out and Fell
Summary: A bit of Lemon here! My views of the age old debate of Trad and Non Trad as put through a Slayers Soap Opera. Please don't Flame me I don't mean to offend anyone.


Ok this came from what I'm not sure, but there was a lot inspiration behind it. Li-chan was the biggest with her fic "I Didn't think I Had a Heart" Thanks Li-chan! The other inspiration came from the TRAD and NON trad wars. I'm neutral so heh it's all good to me. The last inspiration came from reviews of stories I have read from FF.Net. Mind you I don't write comedy, and never thought I would write a parody. *watches her doom and gloom reputation totally leave her* I have been guilty of the romantic fic. So go easy on me here. I am leaving this in script form cause I think for what I am doing it works. I am trying not to offended anyone please don't flame me for this! R&R Please  
  
Warning: Mild sexual content. Nothing graphic!!  
  
I don't own Slayers, just using them to take up time at a boring job!  
  
Slayers! Soap Opera!  
  
[Opening Scene: Lina and Gourry at the end of Next in each others arms in the Sea of Chaos.]  
  
Lina: Oh Gourry!  
  
Gourry: Oh Lina! *Kissing*  
  
(viewer rating waver then rise some)  
  
[Scene jump: End of Try Zel and Amelia have parted with the hope of romance between them. Lina and gourry are seen in each others arms walking off. Now a year has passed and we find Lina and Gourry in a generic town somewhere in a generic inn.]  
  
(viewer rating have dipped some from the lack of main cast action, but rise a bit with the promise of a new season)  
  
Lina: Oh Gourry!   
  
Gourry: Oh Lina! *pulling out a box he gets down on one knee* Lina will you marry me?  
  
Lina: Oh Gourry I *Lina looks in shock blushing at Gourry when suddenly the inn door burst open*   
  
Zel: Stop! Lina Inverse I love you! *the chimera stands there and behind him is a shocked Amelia*  
  
Amelia: .............  
  
Lina: Zel what do you mean? You love me? *Lina looks confused then pulls out her script finding that it's a plot twist to get more ratings from the non trad viewers* Oh Zel I never knew it but I love you too!  
  
Gourry:.............*storms off defeated and goes joins another show somewhere as a life guard*  
  
Amelia: *leaves her innocent crush shattered and becomes more like her sister*  
  
[Ending scene: Lina and Zel are happily together.]  
  
(viewer rating soar for the next year but soon start to waver again despite the angry fan mail from trad viewers)  
  
--------------  
  
[Somewhere else: Gavv and Val Gavv have become the first cross dressing homosexual couple in Slayers and approach Filia with  
a proposal]  
  
Gavv: Hello Filia. My spouse and I need to ask you something. *He stands there making suggestive motions with his sword*  
  
Filia: Oh Val! How could you! *breaks down into tears*   
  
Val: Now look I know your not my real mother and well Gavv and I need a volunteer. We want to have kids and were wondering if  
you would be the egg carrier. *Val has to catch Filia as she faints*  
  
(It was determined by viewing experts that during this story line people checked other channels and went to the bathroom. It was  
quickly dropped.)  
  
--------------  
  
[Scene jump: A wedding is being held for Lina and Zel. Gourry still can't get a deal he likes with the writers to pair him back with  
Lina so he only does brief cameo apearences.]  
  
Priest: Do you Lina Inverse take Zelgadis Greywords to be your lawfully wedded husband?  
  
Lina: I do *she smiles content and full of joy to Zel*  
  
Priest: Do you Zelgadis Greywords take this woman Lina Inverse as your lawfully wedded wife?  
  
Zel: I do *He smiles to Lina*  
  
Priest: Is there anyone out there that has an objection to the joining of this man..errr chimera and woman? *the door burst open  
and Prince Phil comes barging in with a well knocked up Amelia*  
  
Phil: I in the name of Justice object to that man...errr chimera marrying since he has a child on the way from my daughter!   
  
Lina: Zel!?! Amelia what is this?!?   
  
Amelia: Well umm Miss Lina know how that after hours Zel and I have had this relationship going. *Amelia stammers*  
  
Lina: You mean how you have your trailers about back rocking? *Lina is getting that Dragon Slave pissed look on her face*  
  
Zel: Now Lina calm down it was an accident and the producers/writers thought it would be a good way to get a ratings boost. It  
also keeps Amelia in the storyline!   
  
Lina: Oh so you two can't play safely and now I have to loose my big wedding scene for your lil accident! Dragon Slave!!!!!!!!!!!  
*whole set and everyone goes boom*  
  
[Scene jump to the wreckage of Lina sitting in the ruined set in a ruined wedding dress. The clerics having done carried off the  
wounded.]  
  
Xellos: Oh dear. Lina how about you and I go out for a drink and forget this all happened?  
  
Lina: Why should I you fruitcake? *still twitching pissed*  
  
Xellos: Lets just say now that the trad couple of Zel and Amelia have been returned the ratings will need a boost. I mean you are  
the star of the show and Gourry still can't get writers to do him justice. *Xellos thinks not to mention I bribed them to keep him out  
of the picture*  
  
Lina: Fine whatever! *leaves with Xellos still fuming*  
  
(Viewer rating soar to new heights even thought the fan mail still comes in protesting this new couple)  
  
----------------  
  
[Somewhere else: Gourry has returned to an old love. Sylphiel]  
  
Gourry: Sylphiel I love you. I don't know what I ever saw in Lina.  
  
Sylphiel: Oh Gourry Dear, I don't either. *Steamy love scene follows hear by much moaning and a lot of movement under a sheet  
but no real skin is seen*  
  
Gourry: Ohh Sylphiel...Oh yes...Oh Sylphiel...I love you...Oh..Lina...*He look up to her in shock from the bedroom floor as we see  
just him from he chest up looking at Sylphiel in shock*  
  
Sylphiel: Lina! You moaned her name! *she starts to cry* If you want Lina so much then let me remind you of her! Dragon Slave!!*  
  
(viewer rating again rose another % following this story line but due to the cheap hazard pay the stuntmen quit and the story arch  
was dropped)  
  
----------------  
  
[Scene jump: Lina and Xellos are in wedding bliss. Nothing has interfered with Xellos plans and he even though can't feel love is  
very much in love with Lina after another large bribe to the writers. But bliss will not last for long as Xellos returns to see a  
shadowed figure in bed with his pregnant wife.]  
  
Xellos: What is the meaning of this Lina? Who is that in bed with you? *Lina sits with the sheets up aroundher another figure  
under them hidden.*  
  
Lina: Now Xellos calm down! I can explain everything! *camera pans to Xellos and then back to Lina now in a bath robe but  
showing signs of a growing belly.*  
  
Xellos: Lina tell me who that is so I can choose how I am going to kill him! *Slowly a dark head emerges from the sheets and a ear  
piercing laughter is heard.   
  
Naga: I am Naga the great and I fear no one! *insert hideous laughter*  
  
[Scene end: Naga is being hauled off in a white jacket and a gag in her mouth and Xellos smiles after reminding the writers that if  
this story arch continues how much of her laughter they would have to hear.]  
  
(a viewing pole held found that when Naga was introduced more male fans tuned in but the sound was turned of and captions on)  
  
------------------  
  
[Scene jump: Lina is visiting Amelia at the royal palace]  
  
Lina: I'm just now sure how to tell Xellos that it can't work between us. I mean I could love him and all. But I want my baby to know  
it's real father. *She puts her hand on a really big belly being nearly 8 months pregnant.*  
  
Amelia: Lina who is the father? *Amelia cuddles her own baby*  
  
Lina: Amelia know how you and Zel ended up together....*Lina blushes really badly*  
  
Amelia: Lina you didn't! He's the father and not Xellos am I right? *Amelia looks at Lina with joy*  
  
Lina: Now Amelia this isn't that good a thing. I mean if Xellos finds out that *in phases Xellos looking angry*  
  
Xellos: Lina who is the father I demand to know I have been listening this whole time! Don't think I haven't spotted that tall long  
haired man leaving our house while I've been out doing official duty! *Xellos curses thinking Gourry must have finally bribed the  
writes better than him for once*  
  
Lina: Look Xellos. I really enjoy our life and all but Gourry and I go way back. I mean we had a whole season together before you  
even were thought about. Sides don't think I don't know about your little dates with Filia. I mean come one make it a bite more  
obvious next time! *Lina glares at Xellos as Gourry comes walking in off stage looking smug*  
  
Gourry: You see Xellos for all your money and powers the writes fear Lina in a bad mood more than anything! *Gourry finds  
himself getting up off the floor*  
  
Palace guards: Princess! Princess! The Prince has been found and he is human but he is in a coma and won't wake up! *Amelia is  
led away crying*  
  
Zelgadis:................*Damn you writers! Am I never to have a happy ending!*  
  
Lina: Gourry I think I'm going into labor! *holds her stomach as her water breaks*   
  
Gourry: It's to soon right? *gets clobbered as Lina hits him reminding him that these are the major scenes for rating boosts*  
  
Xellos: Lina I'll still help you. You are still my wife at least until we get divorced.*teleports them to the infirmary and then teleports  
Sylphiel in to help with Lina*  
  
Sylphiel: Now Lina just relax I'm going to help you.* she begins to deliver the child while thinking that she has the perfect chance  
for revenge thanks to that pep talk Xellos gave her off set*  
  
Lina: Gourry this is all your fault!! *screaming in pain as the child is finally born and Gourry faints.*  
  
Sylphiel: I'm sorry Lina but the child isn't breathing. *She holds the baby as Lina breaks down and faints*  
  
Xellos: Oh dear. I just heard that Zelgadis will never wake up as well. *looks to the camera* Don't you all just hate those weekend  
cliff hangers. *laughs madly feeding from the viewers despair at being left like that*  
  
(viewing rating have shot through the roof ensuring a new season but the writers are fried and are looking to hire new ones.)  
  
End  
  
Ok if anyone want to take this up, then go for it! *cackles madly* SaphireDraco  



End file.
